Saturday, December 1, 2007

This Saturday Sucks

Well, the headline says it all. I woke up too late, and lost my chance at going out with real people. Fuck-all if I'm going to the bar alone, so I'm forced to sit inside tonight and slowly go crazy.
I really wish I had a Guinness.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Now In Technicolor!

So I have a terrible problem with woman I meet. It's not that I can't pick them up, its the staying sober long enough to take em out back and fuck their brains out. You see, typically at a bar, I will have a few Guinness, feel invincible, and meet a lass. We hit it off, and then I wake up in a gutter in Boston wondering where the hell I went wrong. The Wild Rover is cock-blocking me all the time.
So I decided to train, and train hard. I will just have to build up an incredible tolerance to my Guinness. I have been working 60+ hours a week, building my funds for such a grueling training process. It's going to be costly you know.

Paddy Barry's, warm the tap, I'm taking the rocky road to Dublin, and you're comming with me.
I feel like Rocky, only more coherent when I'm pissed drunk.

And ladies, when I complete my training, get ready for the best goddamn 13 seconds of your fucking lives!

Monday, November 26, 2007

It's been so long!

It has been a long time, months, since I have posted here. I AM a busy man you know, with the drinking in the pubs and all.
Let me fill you in. So far, I have moved from my former apartment to my parents home in the hopes of saving some cash for my Exodus in February.
I now work all days except Sat, and I have developed a strange attraction to plus-size girls. No longer do skinny girls do anything for me.

I really want a girlfriend. I could have one in just a single call. I have my pick of MANY girls, however, none of them are my perfect type. None of them are "Curvy".

I am looking for a large girl, massive tits and ass. Belly? I certainly don't mind. Hey, theres nothing wrong with me. Look at Kiki Kastle and try and tell me you didn't fall in love with her look. Tell me you didn't, and I will call you a giant homosexual.

In other news, I discovered that Asians have a mating call. When I see an Asian girl walk by, I make a loud "Ooou Waaah" sound. They ALWAYS look! Proof is in the pudding guys. Try it.

Monday, August 13, 2007

The Exodus

I have recently come to the conclusion, that I need a change of environment. February, 2008, I plan on exiting the heavily taxed state of Massachusetts's for greener pastures.
Sure, I had some great times here. I became a man here, but there is really nothing LEFT here for me. I believe I will be moving to Philly, or Jersey. Rent is cheaper, life is better.
I need to sit down with the parents and fill them in, as well as get my goodbye's in order with a few friends. I figure I will just up and leave with no set date other than "February".

In other news. I found these fucking WILD noodles at the T. $1.50 for what appears to be a KFC Bucket-size of Asian noodles. Needless to say, I bought them all, take THAT poor people!
I drank 8 energy drinks at work the other night, almost had a heart attack. Fuck I rule. Anyways, not much more to tell.

Monday, June 11, 2007

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

I went to sleep far too early last night, causing me to wake up at 8am. "Whats wrong with that?" you might say. I work at 9pm, until 6am.... I know I should nap or sleep right now, but I can't. Quite frankly, I don't give a shit either. To be honest, I feel sick as a prick, due to the strange sleep pattern. I was considering making pancakes, but that might make my problem worse.
I will, at some point, purchase a case of Red bull tonight, and perhaps this "special" energy drink called "Nos" at good health. Apparently, it's like Speed, and daddy likes his Speed!

The best part about the consumption of energy drinks is drinking them in front of the "Guest Workers" (Immigrants). They become not only amazed at what it can do, but extremely jealous that I can afford a $3 drink. "Oh man....Joo living large!!" Yes sir..I AM living large in my 1 bedroom studio apartment, reaking of cat feces and filthy clothes. Starving for days without food because the state of MA See's fit to withdraw $200+ in taxes from my paycheck. I sir, am "Living large".

Fuck, I feel sick.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Hang in there baby!

Well shit, I'm fucking broke. Paid my rent but got stiffed out of about $100 US. I believe I now have $4.28 cents to my name. As you people know from my last post, I am a smoker.
Will I have to suck cock for spare cash? I hope the fuck not! I would call my parents and ask for some cash 'till I am next paid, however, I also won't have a phone until Friday.
Am I fucked? You betcha! I should probably be stressing about financial issues, but for some reason, all I can think about is the amount of sex I will now be able to have with strange girls.
You see, my girlfriend of 3 years had just broke up with me, hence the financial problems, but all I can think about is crazy sex with strange girls. I figure when I get settled into my new single life, I will try and convince girls to come sleep with me as much as possible. I have really been meaning to try new things, like putting crazy shit in a girls rectum, and maybe peeing on her a little, I don't know.
In any case, I'm going to go hit the ole' dusty trail.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Welcome to Flavor Country

In my mind, there are really only two types of smokers.
People who smoke regular cigarettes, and those who smoke menthol.
I can not fathom the want to smoke something that makes you feel as if you had just eaten hot tooth-paste and fiberglass.
Listen up menthol makers. If I wanted to brush my teeth, I would, but I don't, because a Lion does not brush HIS teeth and He's the king.

I guess that's why I have six severe cavity's, and my mouth bleeds whenever I try to whistle. Anyways, bums on the street always ask me "Got an extra smoke man?" and when I deliver the goods, I receive a look of disgust from said bum, and a "Hey man...this ain't a Newport?". Well excuse-fucking-me homeless guy, I'm sorry my tastes are not as refined as YOURS. You're lucky you even got a smoke broseff. And then the piece of garbage gives it BACK! "No man, I only smoke menthol". You're a fucking bum dude! You don't have many options, but if you want to Jones for a smoke all day because you're "picky" about your type, be my fucking guest.

I'll stick with my regulars any day, like a real man. Hail to the King baby.